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Romance Books

Tag: Icantgetthroughthis

Review: Finding the Way Back to Love by Katie O’Boyle

Author: Katie O’Boyle

Book: Finding the Way Back to Love

tl;dr recommendation: one star reviews, one star reviews EVERYWHERE. or just here. whichever.

Book Summary:

Gwen Forrester, Ph.D., 32, gifted psychotherapist and beautiful widow, is stuck in a rut, dating hotties on the fast track, when what she really wants is a life partner who’ll help her raise a family and make a difference in her home town of Tompkins Falls. New in town, Officer Peter Shaughnessy, 30, has recovered from the damage he suffered in a drug bust in his hometown of Syracuse, but he’s still smarting from his ex-wife’s betrayal and, before that, the years of abuse from his alcoholic father.

When Gwen’s very-pregnant niece, Haley, trips the security system at Gwen’s lakeside home one moonlit summer night, it’s love at first sight for responding Officer Peter and stunned Aunt Gwen. By joining forces to help Haley, Peter and Gwen discover they’re a good team. Long, exhilarating canoe trips convince them they’re on the same page with their life goals. Then a destructive squall lands them on the rocks, and a night of stormy passion reveals painful truths that drive them apart. Are they willing to go to any length to find their way back to love?

Longer Review:

Go read the summary if you haven’t already. Sounds fine, right? I thought so too. I considered dnf’ing this book, but then I wouldn’t be able to rate it (due to my own policy of not rating books I don’t finish) and I felt that anything I said would be looked at in the “hey, she didn’t even fucking read the book” kind of way. So I did. I read the whole thing. I did it so you don’t have to. You’re welcome.

I am not being overly harsh here. I wasn’t totally in love with the writing style as I felt there were too many adjectives and descriptors used, but overall, I could have gotten used to that. No, that’s not my issue. My issue is with the fact that this book claims to be a contemporary romance, but it really isn’t.

Quick summary: Hailey doesn’t “trip the security alarm” at Gwen’s house – she breaks in. Actually breaks a door. Lie #1 in blurb. However, Peter’s a cop and gets called to the house to investigate. He meets Gwen then and it’s instalove. Sort of.

Let’s walk through my journey:

Me at 38%:  is this a Christian romance?! I’m having a panic attack over here.

At this point I’m in between a panic attack and laughing my face off because I recently read a Christian Romance while drinking one night for funsies and I was having flashbacks. Let me clarify here: I have zero problem if you’re religious. I just don’t don’t want to surprise read about them. I grew up super religious. My father went to seminary – I am the preacher’s daughter (surprising, right? or maybe not…). Anyway, I don’t care if you’re religious but I wanted to read a romance novel. With kissing, and sexing, and not God-ing. I didn’t sign up to read about their guilt over what God is going to think or every four words being about letting God take control. JESUS FUCK (haha). If I wanted to talk about religion and not read about sex, I would call my mother.

The book summary says absolutely nothing about how the main characters are pretty God-centric (Lie #2). I found a mention of this book being deemed an inspirational romance on Amazon, but even that doesn’t mention the heavy emphasis on religion. Just be honest. If your book caters to religious people who like a little sex, then CATER TO THOSE PEOPLE. I am not those people.

Me at 50%: I think the one night of passion this book promises is with the Lord Jesus our Savior. Fuck me to hell.

I was waiting for the sex. Waiting, and hoping and praying *cough*cough*, but it was like it was never going to happen. I know that the blurb promised “one night of passion” but I was pretty convinced that was lie #3 after the first half of this book. FINALLY. FINALLY it happens around 54%. There are I believe three sex scenes in this book (so technically more than one night), which aren’t bad. However, I was then conflicted – I mean, for such religious people, they’re totally fine with premarital sex. I started to think I actually liked them a little more. But really, no. I didn’t. Because of my next point….

Me at 91%: I need a fucking drink. which is somewhat hilariously inappropriate as this entire book is about alcoholics.

Did I mention that the entire book is about alcoholics? Sorry, in my ranting haze I must have forgotten. But now you know: the entire town is comprised of recovering alcoholics. I am not kidding. Just about every single person in this book is a recovering alcoholic – they have tons of AA meetings, which I imagine are not very anonymous being as how it’s a small town. They should just call it a weekly town meeting. (Note, the blurb says nothing about the characters being alcoholics).

They should really put that on a pamphlet for people like Peter who have issues with drunks. This portion of the story killed me. Peter’s issues with drunks was ridiculously up-sold. Like, how deeply seated are your issues that you’re going to trip people who you know are recovering alcoholics? DICK MOVE, BRO. It’s pretty much his only issue, and I thought it was pretty dumb.

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I also had other issues with the story. For example, Gwen would basically wish for something to happen and it would – except for when it came to her relationship with Peter. There were also so many mundane things that happened that did absolutely nothing to push the story further along. I didn’t fully understand the relationship between Hailey and Rick – they both lacked character development – and I felt that the author totally forgot about how giving up a baby for adoption is one of the more traumatic life events someone can go through. Instead, Hailey was just ‘la la la, let’s go canoeing. Btw, I’m an alcoholic.’ [SHOCKING]. The ending was incredibly anticlimactic for me, and I was just rejoicing that it was over.

I realize this is really long and pretty ranty and I’m going to stop now; however, I don’t give out one-star reviews lightly. I respect that it takes a long time to write a book, so if I’m going to rate a book poorly, there deserves to be some commentary along with it. So, I deem this book a christian alcoholic romance. I didn’t like it. Sorry.

[I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review]

Review: Lusted by Pia Sparks

Lusted

Author:   Pia Sparks

Book:      Lusted   

Series:    Lusted #1

tl;dr recommendation: It made me stop. and not in a good way.

Longer Review/Reaction:

I received a free copy of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Here’s the synposis from the Author:

The job of her dirty dreams …
SHELTERED and anxious violist, Kylie Morris, longs for excitement, happiness, or even just a clue as to what she should be doing with her life. After losing her job with the symphony, Kylie finds herself on an interview at Lust Media-an adult publishing company. Her curiosity is captured not only by the job, but her hot, dominant boss, Benjamin Price.
But after 14 years of hard work, can she really quit playing viola to work in porn? And if she stays, even for a little while, can she handle all the kinky demands of her new boss, or will being with Benjamin shatter what little self-esteem she has left?

MILLIONS aren’t enough for Benjamin Price. He wants to be a billionaire, and he’s all set for expansion, but he has one major problem. It’s hard to attract the top talent when you’re still growing as a company, and you make pornography.
When his shy, new hire shows promise, Benjamin wonders what it will take to make her stay. He knows how to get women to do what he wants, but will he get snagged in his own trap to ensnare Kylie?

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I began this book with high hopes. I love a good alpha male / office romance / inner female struggle; however, the 159 pages of this book felt like a lifetime. I couldn’t get invested in the characters even though they certainly have issues that I should have been rooting for them to work through. For me, Kylie has some serious issues that she never really addressed. I was screaming at her to take her goddamned medication. I wanted her to take charge of her life – to get her shit together – to pull herself through her issues, but she never really did. Perhaps she does in the next book? I sure hope so.

Benjamin was aloof and impassive – two characteristics I love – but there wasn’t enough chemistry between the characters for me. Obviously there is sex, so I don’t mean that. There was just something missing. Some deeper connection that makes them so passionate about each other that they will fight to make it work no matter what.

Although what really killed it for me was *spoiler alert* when he made the safe word ‘Uncle’. I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN. Grumpy Cat No. Out of all of the words in the English language, the word ‘uncle’ should never be a safeword in sex. or screamed in sex. or spoken in sex. I UNDERSTAND that it was a reference to the phrase ‘crying uncle’ but that doesn’t mean it didn’t make me cringe every time I read it. While we’re on the topic of things that bothered me, can we not refer to her asshole as the Virgin Star? I didn’t like it. ughhhh, I speechless even now while I write this. It made me stop. and not in a good way.

Also, for a girl who is practically a genius, I was confused why Kyle was so naive and uninformed about life in general. She fantasizes about strong, dominant men, throws herself at her conductor and then takes a job at a porn magazine but isn’t familiar with any sex concepts? That just didn’t seem genuine. Kylie didn’t have any friends to talk to about what was going on in her life and missing that dialogue and analysis left a huge gaping hole in this storyline that I think was necessary to fill.

The last sex scene actually redeemed this book for me a bit. It was well written and one of the only scenes where I felt a real connection between Kylie and Benjamin. I began to feel her become a little bit more in control and Benjamin’s honesty was incredibly refreshing. I just wish the whole book shared the same intensity and desire that transpired in those few pages.

Review: The Billionaire Banker Series

Author:     Georgia Le Carre
Series:      Billionaire Banker Series
Books in Series (that I read):

Owned
Forty 2 Days
Besotted
Seduce Me

The tl;dr recommendation: I can’t.

Longer Review:

I’ve just learned by looking at Goodreads that there’s a fifth book and a book in between Forty 2 Days and Besotted. I’m sorry, I can’t read them. I was attempting to stick to my principle of reading all of the books in a series prior to reviewing, but I won’t do it. It’s already taken me a week to read those four books (which is a ridiculously long time for me) and I voluntarily helped my husband clean out my garage yesterday instead of finishing the fourth book.

corgihavingproblems

I struggled. That should say it all….but I’ll elaborate.

The basic storyline is that Lana Bloom is selling her virginity to her current boss at her temp agency who is rumored to pay big bucks for sex in order to pay for her mother’s cancer treatments. This guy is pretty repulsive in every way possible. Blake, a billionaire banker from the ever secretive Barrington family, sees her at the restaurant, is captivated, invites them to a party and eventually offers her double the amount to make her “his” for three months.

The storyline actually has potential. It could have been great. Once you get over the whole ‘she sold her virginity’ part of the story, the plot isn’t bad. The problem is that it jumps. around. a lot. and it DROVE ME MAD. Staccato. That’s the best way that I can describe the writing style. Maybe you’ll like it, but it was a ‘Dear Diary’ type writing that included speaking to me as the reader and I hate that. Maybe it can work in some situations, but this series didn’t make me a believer. There was also an interview with Blake at the end of one of the books. What.The.Fuck. I’m sorry, who is interviewing him?! It just made zero sense.

The author also jumps around a lot. They’ll be in (what I thought) was the middle of a scene in some public place and then the next paragraph they’re at home and she’s on the bed. I was fucking confused. One second Blake is friendly with Jack, you get no indication otherwise, and then all of a sudden he’s screaming ‘Don’t touch her!’ I had whiplash. I need flow. I need transitions. I need more research into the crazy backstory of the Greek Gods and EI. There was so much potential there, but not enough foundation to support what happens in the story. I was stumbling. The books exhausted me.

modelcantwalk

I cannot explain how pissed I was when I finished Besotted and then discovered if I wanted to know what happens with Blake and Lana (there were plenty of loose ends) that I had to read a fourth book that was written in the narrative of a new goddamned character who we had never fucking met. I. ahhhh. ugh.

criesintopillow

What threw me over the edge is (what I feel to be) a political message that flows through the books regarding the social classes and income disparity. It wasn’t super present in the first few books but the ending of Seduce Me felt like I was being preached to. Don’t hide a political message in a fucking erotica novel and pretend like it’s not there. Don’t do that. I am not reading 1984 with sex. I don’t want your opinion on the future of society regarding the disparity between the classes – I want a happy ending with love and happiness abound. Gah.

I really struggled with whether to even write this review because I am far more interested in writing about books I loved, but I see all of the awesome reviews on Amazon and Goodreads and I just don’t know what these people read. From what I understand some people loved it after they got ‘used to the writing style’…This is not fucking Jane Austen. I shouldn’t need to get used to a writing style – this should be a fun, easy, enjoyable read! Goddamnit.

So, my friends, I think I’m done here. Read at your own risk. Also, if you’ve read them and you think I’m wrong, please advise. Discuss below!