Welcome to Obsessed With Myshelf’s Smut & Sex Toy Pairing Guide:

LiteralPleasure | The Threesome Edition

What Am I Pairing?

 

3D Body Sex Doll
Buy HERE
Retails around $80 (list price is $359)
with
Nikki Sloane’s Three Dirty Secrets
See my review HERE

Why Am I Pairing It?

Nikki Sloane writes about threesomes – in case you didn’t know – and she writes about them in a way that is sexy and sensual. I never feel that the two main characters’ relationship is being tested or that it’s been disturbed due to a threesome and that’s probably why I fucking love her books.

In Three Dirty Secrets, Silas and Regan have a full out threesome with Tara. It’s controlled but wild; contained but electric – it’s motherfucking out of this world insanely hot.

That leads us to Tara Torso. Yes, my husband and I named her; No, I don’t think that’s weird. My husband has been hinting at a threesome for almost the entirety of our ten years together. And by hinting I mean he tells me that he thinks it would be really hot if we had a threesome. He’s so…direct.

He even added this sex doll to our Amazon shopping cart six months ago, in that not-so passive aggressive way of his, in an attempt to convince me that if we brought a silicone torso into our bedroom that I might be up for the real thing (before you think he’s being a dick, clearly my husband an I are open about our sexuality. No, he would never do that without me. Yes, we openly discuss our fantasies). Honestly, I’m not entirely opposed to the idea of a threesome, I just prefer that the third have a cock, so thus, we’re at an impasse. But I digress.

However, once I finished Three Dirty Secrets I knew that I had to be The Best Wife Ever and order Tara Torso. I then rationalized it by knowing I could write this post. See? It’s a total win/win.

Review:

Are threesomes hot? I don’t know. I can’t answer that question because I had sex with my husband and Tara Torso: a silicone doll that has no head, arms or legs.

Was sex with my husband and a sex doll fun? Actually, yes.

Surprisingly, yes.

The first question that we both had when she arrived was ‘how big is she?’ The FAQs on Amazon’s page just weren’t very helpful: Q: How long will it last? A: “Mine lasted 2 yrs., but I abused it with a thick tool. If you are gentle with it… maybe 5 yrs.”

Well. Ok then, Amazon. I have been instilled with consumer confidence.

But, back to Tara. She’s bigger than I thought. I was thinking she’d be a Fleshlight with boobs; my husband was hoping for a life size sex doll; her actual dimensions are somewhere in the middle, appeasing us both. She’s 15″ long and her actual measurements are 16x14x23. She’s made out of silicone and is extremely bendy. There’s actually a spine down the back to sort of hold her together.

The first order of business was naming her – I mean, my hubs was a manwhore B.H. (Before Heather), but he’s always been respectful and claims that he at least knew their names. At the time. Thus, we had to name her. Welcome, Tara Torso! After that pesky task was accomplished, we cleaned her. It was a little bit awkward holding her under the sink but it was manageable.

After drying her and then laying her down on a towel on the bed (she still had sort of an oily sheen to her) we basically manhandled her for a little bit, comparing the feel of her boobs to mine and shoving our fingers in every hole to sort of test out the goods – I mean, what else did you expect? We’re curious people.

Her boobs are pretty similar feeling, albeit smaller than mine. *fist pump* This doll has two holes – the vag and ass – and I was wondering how it would feel to my husband. Would it be the same in both holes? Would it feel like me? When you shove your fingers/fist up her (please, she’s inanimate), the vagina actually feels like a vagina inside. I mean, the parts that you would feel are there. I was pretty damn impressed. Despite the fact that her lips look like they were filleted and she doesn’t actually have a clit, the insides felt pretty similar to my own. However, the asshole is not like my asshole. It’s ribbed – I imagine for his pleasure. My asshole is not ribbed. Nope. It’s not.

Spoiler alert: hubs says that both entrances on the doll felt the same.

We then got down to business. It was sort of exciting at first. I was pretending that it was a real person (I HAD TO) and I imagine that hubs was as well. However, truth time: I was sort of bored watching him have sex with the doll. I tried to get involved by licking her and his cock while he was fucking her; but honestly it didn’t really do it for me – probably because she couldn’t exactly reciprocate. All I was tasting was silicone and the occasional penis, and my husband couldn’t really reach me because Tara Torso has to be on her back at the edge of the bed to really get the right angle so I was forced to try to help myself along and that’s frankly, a lot of work.

However, let’s not count her out yet. When he moved over to me and it was my turn to sort of play with her while being the main event, she wasn’t so bad. Sure, she still tasted like silicone, but the visual turned my husband on more than I was expecting, which then, turned me on more than I was expecting.

Like any sex toy, this is not a replacement for the real thing. Am I running out to find a threesome partner now? No. Is my husband? Probably. 😉 I was informed that my parts are still superior to any doll, and while that’s expected, it’s also still nice to know.

The overall report is that Tara seems pretty quality for her price point, doesn’t seem easily tearable, and is a decent size. She really needs a head, and arms, and, most specifically, a tongue to hit it out of the park for me (so basically, she needs to be a real person), but as a sex doll, she’s a decent addition to our collection. Definitely a repeat player, but not one I’m jumping to every time. 3.75 out of 5 stars!

SIDE BOOB

Welcome to Obsessed With Myshelf’s Smut & Sex Toy Pairing Guide:

LiteralPleasure | The All Sort of Tied Up Edition

What Am I Pairing?

Lux Fetish’s Closet Cuffs
Buy Here or Here
Retails around $30.00
with
Melanie Harlow’s Some Sort of Crazy
See my review here

Why Am I Pairing It?

In Some Sort of Crazy there’s a scene in which Miles ties up Natalie in the closet and then does crazy awesome things to her. It’s damn hot and definitely worth recreating. The day after I read the book  I was in my local sex toy shop looking for a toy to review for an entirely different book and I saw a closet restraint system. I whisper yelled…ok, I yelled…across the store to my husband “Would you be okay with tying me up in the closet?!” – he obviously responded in the affirmative and thus DREAMS WERE MADE REAL. You would think that sex toy shop workers wouldn’t think this was odd, but I still got side eye while we were checking out. Whatever.

This book, like my experience with the closet restraint system, is hilarious and semi-serious and just plain fucking fun. The scene in the book involved liquor, but I wanted to save my carpet and I didn’t feel like putting down a tarp (I was imagining getting trapped in there and then authorities having to show up with me tied up in the closet naked with a tarp thrown on the floor and just figured it was better not to test fate). Therefore, uhhh, no liquor. BUT PLENTY OF AWESOME.

Review:

I’ve asked to be tied up before and we’ve done that, but not in a closet and not with anything store bought. I’ve never actually had a real restraint system and I wondered if they were worth it. I mean, why would I buy something to cuff my hands together when we have perfectly good ties that we can ruin? This system had the bonus that it could be used over a door (the instructions state “Place clear bar over the top of the door…Close the door and lock up your lover.”) and I couldn’t think of an alternate way of doing that without getting obnoxiously crafty, so I justified the expense.

The cuffs themselves are actually super comfortable. They close with velcro, which makes them adjustable. No need to worry about cuffs digging into your wrists (unless you want them to). They have little links on them that clip to the over the closet restraint part as well as another clip that links them together – so you can use them as cuffs by themselves or as part of the over the closet restraint system.

Once I was properly naked and tied to my closet door, my husband had a fairly fun time torturing me (in a good way, duh). There’s enough slack so you don’t feel like you’re too confined, but not enough that I could totally freely move (which is the point). The over the closet straps are completely adjustable so you can make them longer or shorter. There’s no putting together of anything – it’s completely ready to go right out of the box.

Bonus: my boobs look AWESOME when I have my hands tied over my head. There was also enough slack that he could turn me so that my face was now looking at the door, so we were able to try out multiple positions.

While I did get pretty fucking fantastic head while tied to a closet door, I didn’t have actual sex. Why? Because either I’m not flexible enough or I need to grow like 2 more inches or a I need a step stool in order to make everything line up properly. There was seriously no position that we could get in – barring him lifting me up and wrapping my legs around his waist (which we can’t do because he has a bad back) – that would allow for actual sex while I was tied up. That’s not the restraint system’s problem though, that’s just our problem.

It was no big thing – we were able to unclip and move to our bed in seconds and the cuffs were able to be used as, well, cuffs. So, while I didn’t truly recreate the Some Sort of Crazy scene, I still felt that my experience represented the book well since Natalie’s perfectly planned life is thrown off kilter the second Miles walks into it and my perfectly planned recreation was equally thrown off track. But don’t worry – like Natalie, I PRESSED ON.

The verdict: the cuffs were comfortable, fun, and seriously sexy. I was all sort of tied up and I totally loved it. If you’re looking for cute and comfy cuffs with an option to be tied to a door, this inexpensive system is a definite must.

Welcome to Obsessed With Myshelf’s Smut & Sex Toy Pairing Guide:

LiteralPleasure | The Anal Plug Blindfold Club Edition

What am I pairing?

Doc Johnson’s Platinum Premium Silicone “The Touch” Vibrating Plug
with
Nikki Sloane’s THREE HARD LESSONS (Blindfold Club #2)
read my review here

Why Am I pairing it?

I could just state the obvious and say that I’m pairing it because the characters in THREE HARD LESSONS use a pink plug. Even though the one in the book doesn’t vibrate, it’s still a pretty fucking close match. But despite that apparent reason, that’s not entirely why.

I’m really pairing it because Nikki Sloane celebrates schmay-nal (as Dominic so adorably calls it) in a real and fantastic way. Her main character, Payton, has zero shame with loving the hell of out anal sex/play, which was so refreshing to read. In the scene, Dom is knocking on the backdoor for the first time and it was insanely sexy & seriously inspiring to see Payton take charge and guide him down the very lubed up path [more on lube later ;)].

Additionally, whenever you’re talking about the ass, it always seems to be sort of taboo. I’m not really sure why that’s the case – that’s a conversation for another day – but it is. Nikki’s books are similarly sort of taboo. They deal with situations that may make you uncomfortable to read at first, but afterwards you walk away surprisingly flushed, turned on and satisfied. For you anal virgins out there, I’m pretty confident you’ll have the same reaction to this plug.

THREE HARD LESSONS is a sex positive, erotic, shamelessly filthy book that will have you reading one-handed. Of course, if you throw Doc Johnson’s vibrating anal plug into the mix you can get back the use of both hands or use a free hand for….other things. Genius. It’s a Perfect Pairing. Now let’s review this fantastic plug!

Platinum Premium Silicone “The Touch” Vibrating Plug
made by: Doc Johnson
Retail: $65.99

BUY IT HERE

Review:

I was one of those people who laughed at stories of travelers whose vibrating sex toys make an appearance and cause a scene at security. I thought, ‘Really?! Did you really need that toy so badly that you had to bring it on vacation with you?’

Now I know: if they were bringing this vibrating plug with them, then yes, they so so so did. Just label me a Sex Toy Traveler, because ohmygod this butt plug is coming with me everywhere. If it was socially acceptable to walk around the grocery store with this plug vibrating in my ass, I would.

Let’s talk specifics: This plug is about 4 inches in girth (at the widest part) and 4 inches in length. It feels squishy and it’s pretty bendable, as silicone does. I adore that stuff.

There’s the plug itself (pictured above), and then there’s a little bullet vibrator that you place inside the circle opening in the plug that has a cord attached to it (pictured below). So, I suppose technically this toy can be both a bullet and a vibrating plug, or just a plug if you use it without the bullet (but why the fuck would you?!). The cord attached to the bullet inserts into a cylindrical battery case – sort of like plugging in headphones. This is where you’re getting the power to your plug.

Now that we have the specifications out of the way, let’s discuss what you really want to know.

Due to its size and the fact that it’s made out of silicone, I could barely feel that it was there. Of course, I should note that I have anal sex on the regular [Sorry. That loud screeching sound you just heard was my husband yelling that his definition of regular is not my definition of regular. But let’s not get too anal *smirk* about the details, okay?], so my ability to feel the plug may be very different from yours. However, it was super comfortable. I was well aware that there was something up my ass, but it felt fine. In fact, it felt pretty damn good.

When comparing it to jelly-like plugs or metal/glass plugs, I liked this one a lot because it molds really nicely in your body. I used a silicone based lube with it [thanks DocJohnson!] and had zero issues sliding it home. This plug isn’t massive, so don’t be afraid. It’s actually pretty perfect for someone just starting to explore their backdoor but I think it’s also great for someone a little more advanced looking for a little extra kick to anal play. Of course, if you’re looking for a fist to shove up there, this isn’t your toy. Sorry. Perhaps you could try this monstrosity. That I will never review. Ever. Nope. Hard pass.

Side Note: I’m on a mission to get lube in anal scenes in books because, holy shit, NECESSARY. I’ve knocked off star points when rating a book for lack of lube (you know who you are. xo) that’s how serious I am about this topic. Why? Because anal virgins who get turned on in a scene from a book may work up the courage to ask their partners to explore…and if it’s done without lube – because they don’t know any better & that’s what was in the book – I can gauran-fucking-tee you that person isn’t doing it again. And that makes me sad. Let’s not make me sad. Let’s add lube to anal scenes.

You’ll be happy to know that lube was used generously with this toy and everyone walked away happy. Hooray! More smiles, more orgasms, MORE LUBE!

Once we turned on the vibrations my world became just a little more perfect. I don’t know if I ever want to have sex without it again. Am I for real? Definitely REAL. There are 10 vibration settings and they’re all a little different. You have the full on single constant pulse, and then a lot of other options. I didn’t even know there were that many different possible vibrating options but I was incredibly willing to try them out. There was a lot of ‘ooohing’ and ‘ahhhing’ and ‘ohmygodstoprightthereing’ as my husband rolled through the vibration levels.

If you’re looking for an orgasm helper, I have found your newest friend. There’s something about the vibrations and plug combo that took me from zero to ‘OH’ in less than half my usual lap time. It was awesome. You need this toy.

I was a little concerned that the cord was going to get in the way during sex while I still had the plug in, but I was informed that it wasn’t an issue. Even doggy-style, the plug/cord combo didn’t nick, scratch, or otherwise distract my husband from his mission. He has his own favorite vibration setting, so now really I think the only problem moving forward is who wins as to what setting the plug lands on. Sigh. I think somehow I’ll manage.

Overall, this plug had me buzzing. [I had to. It was there. You should be surprised I waited this long]. It gets both 5 stars and frequent use. LOVED IT!

[I received this complimentary sex toy from Doc Johnson in exchange for an honest review]

WIN a paperback signed copy of Nikki Sloane’s Three Hard Lessons AND the Doc Johnson “The Touch” Vibrating Plug over on my Facebook page!