Obsessed With Myshelf

Romance Books

Month: August 2014

Sigh. This Again? STFU about Fifty Shades.

Ahh, once again, my internal rage has been lit — and push-ups, flutter kicks, squats, lunges and two orgasms simply haven’t put it out. There is little in this world that actually gnaws at my core like the yawping of feminists who speak loudly from their ladder that climbs towards The Glass Ceiling (a place at which they intend to arrive and so therefore, eventually arrive) and who declare that because I am a woman I am simply wrong if I enjoy/like/or otherwise appreciate anything that appears to butt up against their perception as to how a Modern Woman should act. 

Forgive the previous somewhat ridiculous prose, but I’ve been reading F. Scott Fitzgerald this morning. and apparently THIS BOOK HAS INFILTRATED MY BRAIN AND I CAN NO LONGER THINK FOR MYSELF. 

What has brought this on? Technically it started about a month ago while I was trolling on facebook and a sorority sister (OMG I WAS IN A SORORITY) wrote that she was reading Fifty Shades of Grey. I commented my approval and kind words of encouragement, as I think we all now know my love for Christian Grey. The conversation quickly turned to comments from others who declared Fifty Shades of Grey and its progeny to be the Demise of Feminism. Did I mention I went to a very political university where we’d often discuss International Policy over jungle juice? Somehow I managed to survive for four years with my wits about me. 

But anyway, SO, there I was scrolling through Twitter yesterday and I see this Tweet from Salon:


OHMYFUCKINGGOD. NOT THIS AGAIN. AND SO HELP ME I WILL WRITE IN FUCKING SHOUTY CAPITALS. My inner goddess sat up, took notice and jumped up on her soapbox. My palm even started to twitch. I considered making a lemon martini just to have the satisfaction of throwing it on someone. Didn’t get those references? No? THEN READ THE FUCKING BOOKS. All of them.

I read the article and attempted to suppress my rage, but it kept bubbling to the surface. Seriously, this article is insinuating that banning books might be ok because women are too feeble minded to know what is appropriate and what is not in a relationship? SERIOUSLY?! Thinking so highly of womenkind – that’s so very feminist-like. 

I didn’t read the Fifty Trilogy until this year, but let me tell you…when I was ages 18-24 I was binge drinking, eating terribly, making questionable choices regarding who I went home with, and putting up with awful treatment from some men. Why? Because frankly, that’s what some women do at those ages. It’s self-discovery, it’s COLLEGE. Is it right? Maybe not, but go poll 650 women aged 18-24 who haven’t read the books and I bet you the numbers would result in about the same statistics quoted in the study. I frankly can’t believe that we’re even having this conversation. Apparently women are so weak that a book is going to so influence their thoughts and ideas that they must immediately emulate them, forsaking all reason, logic or self. Just because it may affect some small group of women in that way doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t enjoy the story. Like I’m supposed to feel bad for liking and enjoying these books. Not happening. 

Willing submission by a woman to a man, whether in the bedroom or out, does not mean that the woman has lost all power. In fact, it often means that she has all of the power. Power Exchange, as described in these books, in a trusted, safe, consensual relationship is a choice (and aren’t all feminists about embracing choices?!). Obviously when a power exchange is not consensual it’s called rape. and that’s not ok. Note: that doesn’t happen in the books. EVER. Also, I’m not preaching for men to rule the world and for women to stay barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Fuck all that noise. That’s not even remotely what I’m saying – and if you think it is, you clearly are reading with such a bias that all hope is lost anyway. 


And let’s talk about Fifty Shades. Christian is admittedly fucked up. He says this over and over. He’s in his first real relationship – he has no idea what he’s doing and all of his previous experiences with women are those in which he is The Master Dominant. So, when he’s challenged by Ana – which she does quite frequently – he is confused and often reacts in his habitual ways. And some of those reactions are pretty crazy. BUT IF YOU READ MORE THAN THE FIRST FUCKING BOOK you’d see that his character starts to shift – he starts accepting and giving love and begins to transition into a more “normal” human being. But let’s not forget – Ana willingly submits to Christian. She makes a choice. Whether you agree with her choice or not, is your prerogative, but she MAKES A CHOICE. And they each affect and are affected by the other – they fall in love and make silly choices, which sometimes end poorly. I think the story is quite good. And apparently so did like 70 million other people. 


The article suggests that parents and educators should speak with young people re: these topics and themes. I am wholeheartedly in favor of this type of communication and that relationship violence is bad. But I would hope that we analyze and discuss the types of issues in the Fifty Shades books the same way we analyze why Rosalind chose to dump Amory to marry for money. And, since I’m clearly on a Fitzgerald kick, I hope that we also talk about drunk driving, murder and adultery when we read about Jay Gatsby’s affair with Daisy.

Over all, let’s be clear minded, well read, smart women and just LET ME ENJOY MY MOTHERFUCKING NOVELS. 


Confession: How I came to read Harry Potter at age 30

As a disclaimer I should just start that if you’re a die-hard HP purist, you’ll probably hate me immediately once you realize how this happened. but IDGAF. now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s begin:

In January of this year the hubs and I were house-hunting to buy our first house, which if you haven’t yet done let me just share that it’s a really fucking stressful experience. We were on a limited budget due to the mortgage we were already paying for my student loans. I like to call where my diplomas sit the $200,000 wall. 


So, right – stressful. 

One night I came to bed and hubs was playing his computer game and somehow Twilight was on tv (I HAVE LOST ALL HP FANS AT THIS VERY MOMENT). I had successfully (purposefully) avoided ever seeing any of these movies until that very moment. but i was tired. so I sat down and watched it. AND THEN IT WAS A MARATHON. the first three movies played back to back and I slapped at my husband’s hand every time he reached for the remote. I was hooked and it was his fault. He would just have to suffer.


SO. it was now 3am. I fell asleep dreaming of Edward Cullen. obviously. The next day I found the other two movies and watched them. Monday I drove to a Walmart and a Best Buy to purchase the entire collection of movies so that I could watch them over and over and over. I was a 29 year old twi-hard. It would have been embarrassing if I cared. but i didn’t.


So i figured I should read the books, BECAUSE I WANTED MORE. and more I got (not like Christian/Ana more, but more nonetheless). so I bought them. and read them. although I wanted to strangle Bella most of the time, which I think is a normal reaction. and then I read them excessively. and watched the movies to the point where they now occasionally skip. This series single-handedly got be through the home buying process. I declared it to be therapy.


At one point it was suggested to me that maybe this isn’t healthy. and I should find something else to read / watch. There may have been begging involved.

AND THEN I REALIZED THAT ROB PATTINSON PLAYS CEDRIC DIGGORY. holy shit. revelation. so I found HP4 and watched it. clearly, I didn’t realize that he dies. that was fucking traumatic.



but I was now in. It was now June and I had scheduled a four day weekend/staycation for myself as a little gift. I read seven harry potter novels over four days, which upon retrospect is a little excessive. 

I appreciate hp books. I do. I swear. they have a good storyline, they’re all adventure! and bravery! and friendship! but I swear to god I wanted to stick a fork in my eye and ENDITALL during book 5. that was the worst. #sorryimnotsorry. I moved on to the movies and then really wanted to end it. how awful were they?! I mean, ok, there were a few good moments but like nothing happened the way it did in the books – nothing. even the little things that could have easily been accurate WERE NOT. (i.e. HARRY DOES NOT GIVE THE PROPHECY TO LUCIUS. thankyouverymuch. god i was pissed). 



but, um, clearly i was slightly invested. but not like I have been with other books. perhaps I’m just a sucker for a good love story. perhaps I got in the game too late? but regardless, i’m glad I’ve read them – if for no other reason so now  I can understand the seventy million harry potter themed buzzfeed articles that seem to be posted daily. 


Drunk Reading: The Hangover

Last night was the first installment of #DrunkReading – where I read or re-read a book while drinking and live tweet my thoughts/reactions. Therefore, that makes this morning my first drunk reading hangover. Don’t worry, I’m already drinking coffee.

Book: Fifty Shades of Grey

Have I read it before?:  Yes. This is the fourth read through I believe. 

What did I drink?:  2.75 large glasses of pinot grigio. LIGHTWEIGHT. my college self is laughingherfuckingassoff.

How do I feel:     As Ana would say: better than I deserve. I woke up with some minor dry mouth and my head is just now starting to pound. I did not have OJ & advil sitting next to my bed when I woke up. Apparently my husband is not Christian Grey. Figures.

General Thoughts:

Well, forgetting the no OJ and advil fact, I’m quite thankful that my husband is so supportive of my ridiculous ideas. He even replaced the small bottle of wine I had originally picked up at the store with a much larger bottle. and then when the drunk reading began, he just sort of left me to it. Also, THANKS VERONICA for drunk reading with me. and thanks for the permission to use our texts on here. I haven’t mentioned that to you? SORRY. you’re hilarious. I’m using them.

I had started to re-read fifty on Friday night. It’s part of something else I will be doing for this blog and I thought it’d be interesting to read it now that I have some perspective. AKA now that I’ve fictionally fallen in love with Gideon Cross over Christian Grey.

So, last night I began when Christian’s mother arrives. 

and then things began to get interesting. I began noticing things I never noticed before and talking about things that bug the fuck out of me. I mean, this book is set in 2011 – I graduated from college in 2006…I had a computer, a crappy one, but a computer for the entire four years of college – WHY DOES ANA NOT OWN HER OWN COMPUTER?! or smartphone? I mean, I get she’s inexperienced in sex but no one said she’s inexperienced in LIFE. COME ON. 

and then, when everyone else probably glanced over the contract. I, like a lawyer freak, grabbed onto it with joy. THIS IS WHAT I DO! and frankly, as I read it again last night, I had to let EL James know I was impressed. It’s pretty legalesey. It reminds me of a similar contract I made with my husband while I was in law school….ohhhh the memories. 

and then something happened. It was like the world shifted. It could have been the couch and the fact that I was super drunk. but I prefer to think that it was the world.

and the Christian hold began to once again take over. 

and apparently I wasn’t the only one. 


what cheeseburger and steak comment, you may ask? THIS ONE:



And yes, to touch on one of Veronica’s points. Ana is annoying. She really is. She’s right up there with Bella. oh wait, THAT’S BECAUSE SHE IS BELLA. Think that one got over on me? No. I’m an internet stalker. I am very aware of MOTU and its outtakes as well as Midnight Sun and its gloriousness. But really, Ana’s internal monologue can get pretty obnoxious, which is why it’s a good thing that Christian is so delicious. 

and so, in the book, they had oysters and wine and wine and wine and sex. and they cuddled and he was mercurial. and my cold cold heart once again melted when Christian climbed back into bed with her. OH JESUS.

So, frankly. this was a very educational experience. Apparently alcohol allowed Christian Grey to again reach his long, skilled fingers into my heart. however i’d prefer those fingers elsewhere….JUST SAYIN’. 

List: The last 10

**********************UPDATE: ok internet. I lied. I missed four books. books that fit nicely between 3 and 4. They are….

The Fixed Trilogy – Laurelin Page

Hudson – Laurelin Page

How could I have forgotten FOUR BOOKS?! One answer is because I became so swept up in the perfectness of Gideon Cross nothing else mattered (that’s actually quite possible). However, that truth is also mixed in the fact that I was SO PISSED after reading these books that I needed to move on to something. anything. That doesn’t mean the books sucked – I was just utterly pissed off. Thank God that fourth book was written or else I would have seriously been in a mood (and I was). for days. until I found Gideon. on second thought, I should probably thank Laurelin for the great workouts these books fueled.

so we get a feel for each other, let’s talk about the last ten books i’ve read (the most recent one being #1). I’ll be sure to give you my thoughts on them later-ish. but let’s get the awkward intro out of the way, shall we?

1.    Entwined With You – Sylvia Day

2.    Reflected In You – Sylvia Day

3.    Bared To You – Sylvia Day

is now a good time to ask when Captivated by You comes out, Sylvia? No? ok. I’ll leave that the the hundreds of people on twitter & facebook who ask everyday. don’t block me. i’m just worried – it’s the same feeling I get when I think about what would happen if i didn’t have life insurance on my husband and something should happen to him. i mean, what am i going to do?! it’s slightly irrational and everything, but really. you’re being safe, right? eat right. exercise. let’s get out books 4&5. ok thanks. I mean, it’s not like these are technically also 4-6 since I read them twice. in a row.

while I’ll go deeper into these later, let’s just say that if Eva cheats on Gideon with Brett in San Diego or wherever the hell she goes I will fucking hunt her down. Not that I’m invested or anything. Not at all. #Gideonisperfect

4.    Fifty Shades Freed – EL James

5.    Fifty Shades Darker – EL James

6.    Fifty Shades of Grey – EL James

Christian is wonderful, he is, but he’s no Gideon. More on this later. #stowyourtwitchypalm. and I may have read these three times. each. in a row. my husband is a lucky man.

7.    All seven Harry Potter books – JK Rowling

I cheated. I’m aware. but then I would have cut off my list in mid-series. that’s not right, is it? and i know I’m TEN YEARS LATE with like this entire list. Give me a break, I was in law school for part of that.

8.    Will Grayson, Will Grayson – John Green

9.    Paper Towns – John Green

10.  Looking for Alaska – John Green

bonus 11.  The Fault in Our Stars

ok, had to finish the grouping. Do you sense a theme here?

Generally, I pick an author and devour everything I can find. I know a book is good when my husband angrily stares at me and declares that I haven’t said more than fourteen words to him all day. SORRY I’M NOT SORRY. So, now you know me a little better. Let’s go out again, yes?